Quotes
David: Whenever I get gloomy about the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrowe Aiport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed - but I don't see that. Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified, or newsworthy - but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
Billy Mack: Fuckwankbuggershittingarseheadandhole!
Billy Mack: This is shit, isn't it?
Joe: Yup, solid gold shit, Maestro.
Karen: There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
Colin: Try my lovely nuts.
Peter: No surprises?
Mark: No surprises.
Peter: Not like the stag night?
Mark: Unlike the stag night.
Peter: Do you admit that the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?
Mark: I do.
Peter: And it would have been much better if they'd not turned out to be men?
Mark: That is true. Good luck, kiddo.
Natalie: Hello, David. Oh, shit, I can't believe I just did that. Oh and now I've gone and said "shit" - twice.
David: Well, at least you didn't say "fuck", right?
Natalie: I just knew that I was going to fuck up my first day. Oh piss it!
Colin: Food?
Nancy: No thanks.
Colin: Yeah, bit dodgy, isn't it. Looks like a dead baby's finger. Oooh, tastes like it too. I'm Colin, by the way.
Nancy: I'm Nancy.
Colin: And what do you do, Nancy?
Nancy: I'm a cook.
Colin: Ever do weddings?
Nancy: Yes, I do.
Colin: They should have asked you to do this one.
Nancy: They did.
Colin: God, I wish you hadn't turned it down.
Nancy: I didn't.
Colin: Right.
Colin: American girls would seriously dig me with my cute British accent.
Harry: Tell me, exactly, how long it is that you've been working here?
Sarah: Two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, what, two hours?
Harry: Right. And how long have you been in love with Karl?
Sarah: Sorry?
Harry: How long have you been in love with Karl, our enigmatic chief designer?
Sarah: Ahm, two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, and hour and thirty minutes.
Harry: I thought as much.
Sarah: Do you think everybody knows?
Harry: Yes.
Sarah: Do you think Karl knows?
Harry: Yes.
Sarah: Oh, that is bad news.
Harry: And I just thought that maybe the time had come to do something about it.
Sarah: Like what?
Harry: Invite him out for a drink, then after twenty minutes casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.
Sarah: You know that?
Harry: Yes. And so does Karl. Think about it. For all our sakes. It's Christmas.
Sarah: Certainly -- excellent. Will do. Thanks boss.
Sam: Worse than the total agony of being in love?
DJ: What's the best shag you've ever had?
Billy Mack: Britney Spears. No I'm only kidding. She was rubbish.
Billy Mack: Here's a message from your Uncle Billy kids. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give 'em to you for free!
Juliet: We've never got friendly. I just wanted to say I hope that can change. I'm nice, I really am, apart from my terrible taste in pie. And it would be great if we could be friends.
Sam: Girls love musicians, don't they? Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
Colin: I'm on Shag Highway heading West!
Sam: The only thing about romance is that people only get together right at the very end.
Mark (Via poster board): With any luck by next year I'll be going out with one of these girls.
Shows pictures of models
Mark (Via poster board): But for now, let me say, without hope or agenda, just because it's Christmas (And at Christmas you tell the truth). To me, you are perfect. And my wasted heart will love you until you look like this:
Shows a picture of a mummy
Mark (Via poster board): Merry Christmas.
Sam: Let's go and get the shit kicked out of us by love!
Daniel: Tell her that you love her. You've got nothing to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't.
